Should I Leave or Should I Stay?

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I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to have a battle raging between your heart, mind and reality about whether you should walk away from a relationship or stay in it. You wonder if you should stick it out, if you should try harder. You try to convince yourself that maybe, in time, he will change. He won’t hit you again. He’ll be faithful. He won’t lie to you again. He will surrender his heart to God. He will, like some folks say, “grow on you.” The signs of stagnation, disrespect, being unequally yoked or lack of attraction are there.

I’ve been there. I have toiled night after night. I have made up excuses. I compromised my values, my peace and my connection with God in a relationship that wasn’t for me. I even bargained with God. Why did I stay? For one of the many reasons we stay in some relationship: I wanted him to be the one. I think, in a way, I was tired of failed relationships. Since he was a good guy, and he truly was, I thought I’d overlook some things. I overlooked his uncertainty of his ability to go without sex if we weren't married. While I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart, telling me he was not the one, we were together for a few months.

Sometimes, you’ve spent so much time together. You’ve invested money. You’ve invested emotions. You’ve invested effort. You’ve made love together. Sometimes, you’re afraid of starting over. You’re afraid no one else will want you.

God isn’t the author of confusion or fear. So, if you ever find yourself feeling confused or afraid about an intimate relationship, that’s a powerful sign you shouldn’t ignore. Think about your values, your priorities, your fears, your insecurities, your purpose, your plans and your future. Think about your relationship with God when trying to decide if you should go or if you should stay. Sometimes, it's just the enemy wanting you to abandon a good thing. Sometimes, it's not. Be honest with yourself about how you truly feel and your relationship. Don't let love, or what you think is love, cloud your judgment. Don't let fear or insecurities cloud your judgment. Don't allow people’s opinions or expectations to drown out your inner voice.

Ask yourself, “What is my motive for leaving or staying? Am I better with this person? Is life better with this person? Are his values aligned with mine? Can I be myself in public and private with him? Does he support my vision? Is he who God wants for me?” Above all, ask God. He will definitely show you which decision to make. But, be open to receive and ready to respond to the answer He gives you, even if it's not the one you expect.

I truly believe that most, if not all times, deep down in our hearts, we know if we should end a relationship or stay in it. We just try to find good enough reasons to stay. And we find reasons to walk away. But, with wisdom, God's voice, humility and courage, we will know what to do and find the strength to do it—whether it's letting go or staying.


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Novia Reid is a transformational speaker and licensed clinical social worker. She presents individuals with pathways to achieve personal success and peace. Her books, Just You and I: Devotions from the Heart and Woman this is for You are sources of empowerment and transformation for women worldwide. Novia lives in Miami, FL. www.noviareid.com