3 Ways Change Can Make a Good Home Great
Change can be scary. But people must grow and evolve to flourish and stay healthy. And if people in relationships are growing, the relationship must grow as well. Adapting and changing to meet new demands or address changes in life happens in every household. There's little room for ego, stubbornness, or stagnation in successful families.
It's easy to mirror what you experienced growing up, or to take cues from the media and people around you in the absence of real role models. But building a well-functioning family of your own means adapting to the life and family you have and how they change over time. You don't have to get stuck on ideals or fantasies about your home, partner, or children. Instead, create the best home you can with the tools you have.
Here are three ways that allowing for change can make your home a haven.
Adapt Your Parenting Style
Parenting today is very different than in earlier generations. What worked in your home growing up may not work for your own kids. And it honestly may not have worked for you either. Behavioral experts correlate several negative consequences to aggressive or physical parenting, and corporal punishments have been linked to mental health issues in teens and adults.
To grow and learn from your past and your own experiences as a parent, you must be willing to evaluate your parenting style and adapt it to your children; not the other way around. Parents who stronghold a style that doesn't fit their child's needs will often encourage problematic behavior and unnecessary family strife. You can't mold your children into who you want them to be—the perfect kids. But you can channel their energy and influence them to be the best version of themselves: successful and happy.
Parent Each Child Individually
Many parents of multiple children feel that treating each child the same is the best way to run a fair and balanced household, and the kids usually agree. But every child is unique. Just as the abilities and difficulties each child faces are different, the expectations and responsibilities of each child also differ.
They are individuals, so blanket parenting and punishments won't be the most effective way to get the best from them. Learn their quirks, their communication styles, what's important to them, and what's not. Use your children's individual characteristics to build a strong foundation and to support their self-esteem; not your own ambitions, which chip away at who they are and construct a shallow facade.
Do What Works
It may be hard to change habits you've relied on in relationships for years. For better or worse, these are behaviors, communications styles, and thought processes you naturally fall back on. But most people need help to stop their destructive habits and shift their thinking into building rather than breaking.
Bad communication, criticism, condescension, personal attacks, intentional embarrassment, gaslighting, mocking, control, contempt, and resentment will poison and eventually toxify and potentially dissolve your relationship, family, and home. Focus on empathy, problem solving, listening, forgiveness, and doing what's best for the family. If the way you're doing things isn't working, change it.
To achieve success you must let go of any love languages, values, beliefs, behaviors, and expectations that do not serve the needs of your family. You may find comfort in your romantic or parenting style, or by simply reverting to what works in the moment or what you were taught. But success means adapting and doing what works long-term. Each decision should be treated as an investment in your home, and should build toward the overall success of your partnership and children. Long-term gain is the goal, so allow for adjustments on the way.