Coffee Dates with Purpose

Talk to your girlfriends about your dreams, goals and purposes!

Two years ago, one of my closest friends got married and moved four hours away. It’s not that far, but with kids, jobs, and you know, life, I only get to see her every few months. So, when she told me she was going to be in town last weekend, I immediately made brunch plans with her.

Over coffee and waffles, our conversation felt like we had never been apart! She told me about an upcoming promotion at work that she wants; I made her laugh with stories about my kids; and we both had a great time catching up and planning for the future—she wants to move back home soon, I want her to have a baby already! But my favorite part of the day was when our convo got personal. We talked about how different our lives look now compared to what we had pictured as teenagers, and what our big-picture dreams and goals are. Our talk was good for the soul—and for our relationship.

You can have deeper conversations with your girlfriends too! Start by inviting them out in real life—no group chats, tweeting, or FaceTime dates. Meeting in person adds a level of intimacy and trust that is often missing in our relationships. Plus, virtual hugs are never as good as the real thing!

Next, get all the church gossip, kid drama, and celebrity news out of the way first—we’re heartbroken that Miley and Liam broke up, too, and it’s okay to talk about it! Giving yourself time to talk about fluff is fun, plus it will help get the conversation flowing.

From there, move on to more serious things. How is your friend doing, really? Is there anything she needs support on, a big decision she wants your opinion on, something she needs to update you on? Talk about the things that are really weighing on both of your minds.

Finally, get to know each other a little more. Ask her questions like you would a potential partner: Is your job fulfilling? If not, what are your plans on getting your dream job? How is your mental and spiritual health? Do you feel like you are taking enough time for yourself in self-reflection and self-care? What are your favorite ways to let loose? Where would you travel if money was no option? How is your relationship with your parents, your husband, your kids? How can it be improved? What is something completely out of your comfort zone you have always wanted to do? What do you want your life to look like in five years? If you need more tips, just do a quick search on Pinterest for plenty of material.

If coffee dates aren’t your thing—I’m sure some people don’t enjoy this magical potion, right?—that’s okay. Instead, go to a happy hour, take a cooking class, meet up for a bullet journaling or scrapbooking, or have a spa day. There are no hard-and-fast rules. Just listen, talk, and have fun. At the end of the day, you will grow closer as friends, and you might just discover something new about yourself, too!


Sydni Ellis grew up in the great state of Texas, where the iced tea can never be too sweet and everyone does their makeup before going to the grocery store. She has her master’s degree in journalism from the University of North Texas, and she loves talking about her passions: writing, shopping and reading murder mysteries. Follow her on Twitter @sydnimellis to see her latest stories on fashion, entertainment, travel, lifestyle, and local events—and to see 500+ pictures of her two blonde babies.