Create a love list this summer to make your marriage sizzle!


Sometimes, one can get complacent in marriage, especially when children enter the family unit. You and your spouse may not always have the time to spend intimate moments together like you used to; however, intimacy is one of the most important aspects of your marriage. This intimate time allows you and your spouse to connect on a deeper level. It allows you to release the stress of the day and truly become one flesh. In Sheila Wray Gregoire’s research for her book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, she found that 40% of couples were intimate less than once a week.

After I had my second baby, my energy, my emotions and my libido went out of the window. I just didn’t have the desire to be intimate at all. As much as my husband was very supportive during that time, I knew he missed us connecting intimately. Dr. Willard Harley writes in his book His Needs, Her Needs, “A man's view of romance is much more focused on a single experience: sexual affirmation. In that regard, God wired men and women very differently. As you probably have experienced, these radical differences in approach to romance set the stage for repeated clashes in marriage—the husband pursues romance based on his sexual passion, and the wife goes after relationship.”

Understanding this, I communicated how I was feeling and how we could make our intimate time more creative, special and meaningful. This was in the form of a love list, which included five love requests from each of us. Each day, we alternated the request for each other. Our love list allowed us to stop and focus on each other’s needs and not be consumed by the many other titles that steal us from remembering we are lovers.

So, what do you put on a love list? Everything that you would like your spouse to do for you and vice versa. It must be an intimate and romantic act. If you are stuck for ideas, think about your ideal romantic scene, whether that be a candlelit bath or making love in the kitchen. Put whatever you want (within reason and safety). Commit to do what your spouse requests. If there are areas where you feel uncomfortable, adjust the request. Make it fun and, above all, connect with your spouse and enjoy the moment!