Better Hurts


In 2009, I was twenty-one years old when I heard a song by Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo. As soon as I heard the song, it became an instant favorite and I downloaded the ringtone almost immediately. “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together. Mommy I’m good all by myself but baby you make me better.” This song set the tone for how I would think regarding any future man of mine. If he didn’t make me better, what was the use? An old cliché tells us that we can do bad all by ourselves. I, however, would like to believe that I can do well all by myself and with the right person alongside, I can do even better. Five years later and more committed to my own personal betterment than ever before, I find it completely hard to offer time, effort, or even extra conversation to someone who will not potentially help me grow into a better version of myself. What I did not anticipate, however, was the pain that comes as a side effect of becoming better.

Meeting that special one who God has designed especially for you may bring more spark than the biggest firework show you have ever witnessed. Being with that special someone will give you butterflies and make you feel safe and silly as a little child. Thinking of that special someone will make you smile for absolutely no reason at all. What I now understand is that, we come across many “special someones” who will emerge each of these childlike feelings in us. The one who is YOUR special one is the one who helps you become better.

Becoming better is no easy journey; even if you have met the love of your life. It is my belief that God pairs us with the person who will motivate, inspire, and even push us into our destiny even when we are not appreciative of it. The right one will see us for who we have the potential to become and will not allow us to settle being anything less than that person.

I am often fascinated how a mirror shows the reflection of exactly what is there. There is no filter. What you see is what you get. If you find fault in your physical appearance, you can complain about it or you can change it. But, the mirror will not change the reflection. You must do what is required to yield the desired reflection from the mirror. The right relationship parallels this mirror.

We think we have it all together sometimes. With our flawless makeup and with our expensive clothes, no one can tell us that we aren’t everything the world has ever needed. But underneath it all…the naked soul, what does the reflection show? Often, it is the person designed just for you who shows you. You’re gorgeous, but you have trust issues. You’re flawless, but you fear rejection so you never pursue your passion. You dress really nice and your body is to die for, but you are narcissism personified.

What gives me comfort is knowing that when you are with the right one, the mate to your soul, you will be loved through whatever your flaws may be. Your flaws will never be exposed out of cruelty, but rather with the hope and desire to make you become better. No individual is perfect, but the reach to becoming better should be unending. Relationships are beautiful, but not always perfect. It can be an angry or frustrating journey because there is something in human nature that does not want us to be reminded of our personal flaws. Without that strain and pressure from your mate to become better, I’m nearly certain that the relationship is a bust. Let your mate love you all the way to better’s doorstep. Even when it hurts, it’s helping you.