When people love you for what you do and not for who you are

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I love you are words most women like hearing.  More than hearing the words we want the speaker to utter this sentiment, this declaration of affection, with truth and authenticity.  We want it to be heart-felt.  We want it to represent something that is lasting, solid, binding.  We want to be actually loved for who we are and not for what we do or what we have.  So what should you do when someone adjusts their displays of love based on how much or how little you do for them? Face the truth - Some people, for any number of reasons, have a service-driven definition of love.  For them, love is less about a true connection with another person and more about the personal benefits they gain from the being in relationship with you.  So when they say I love YOU what they really mean is I love what you DO for me.  If this type of love relationship bothers you then you must be bold enough to change it in your life.    You have authority to invite (or un-invite) people into your circle of love.

Ask the right question - You are an adult woman (this principle does not apply to children), therefore people need your cooperation and dare I say permission to continually love you wrong.  You have the voice, ability and authority to correct someone when their love walk with you is out of order.  Instead of asking “why are they doing this to me? start asking “why am I allowing it?”  Don’t play the victim, you’re better than that.

Put on a griddle - Two women with very similar figures can wear the exact same outfit with one exception:  woman #1 is wearing great support garments and woman #2 is wearing a cheap bra and panty set.  Who is going to look nicer in her outfit?  Woman number #1 understands that the key to her totally rocking her outfit starts with preparation and investments that are invisible to the outside world.  Your love relationships are the same.  Good relationships begin with the investments you make in yourself such as personal care, setting and achieving goals, a relationship with God, living your dreams, dealing with your personal issues etc.  You have to invest in your own happiness, keeping in mind that love relationships are designed to compliment who you already are not to complete you and fill your neglected voids.

Test the motive – Every woman needs a mechanism to asses her new connections.  If a person knows no more about you than what you share on social media, but they have crowned you their new BAE or new BFF you need to ask yourself why that is.  How do you compliment one another?  What core values do you share? What is the “substance” of this new (or old) relationship?  If your answers to these questions are weak then the relationship is likely weak as well.  Don’t dress it up or sugar coat it. Tell yourself the truth and then be bold enough to correct it or walk away.

You are a woman of substance and the wealth of your substance is in who you are not in what you do.  I challenge you to build substance based relationships, ones that are built on mutual respect, shared core values, and similar life goals.  God has created you for more than “tit for tat” and service driven love, so take control of your love circle and require people to love you right.