The Fight That Can Save Your Marriage


I sat across the table looking for a reaction to my whisper. I had said the words and let them hang there. It was too late to take them back, not that I would have anyway. They needed to be said. As I sat there at a quiet table for breakfast I looked my husband in the eye and told him, “I’m scared.”

I wasn’t sure how he would respond. The truth that pushed me to this point of fear and vulnerability was the realization that some of our closest peers from high school and college are now divorced.

These are weddings we went to, weddings we were in. Joyous receptions where we danced and celebrated the start of a union that no longer exists.

I sat there looking at him, waiting for a response. Unsure of how this would go, but his eyes never left mine as he replied,

“You should be.”

It caught me off guard for a moment. Was there something I needed to be worried about? But then I realized he wasn’t trying to tell me some deep secret. He was hearing me, hearing my heart. The reality that we, just like anyone, are just a bad decision away from the same fate. And that is scary.

But it’s not a fear to run from. It’s a fear to look at and embrace to remind us how fragile and hard and beautiful this promise called marriage is. When we don’t see the danger, that’s when we get blindsided.

I’d rather face fear and name it than have it sneak up on me and knock me down.

When I see the risk, the unimaginable possibilities, that is when I can fight. I can fight in the little day to day things and I can fight in the big occasion things.

I can fight by choosing to spend time together more than apart.

I can fight by choosing the words that I say about my husband, especially when I’m angry.

I can fight by choosing to invest financially in doing things we enjoy together.

I can fight by choosing to talk about the hard things instead of run from them.

I can fight by choosing to face fear instead of run from it.

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash