When Things Have Changed


Whether it’s a friendship, dating relationship, or marriage, most people go through a period of change. You don’t talk as often. You don’t spend as much quality time together. There’s more arguing than pleasant and civil conversations. There is coldness, anger or bitterness between the two of you.

Maybe work, school, errands or children have kept you busy. Maybe other things or another person has become your priority. Maybe the bills, your boss, or illness has you overwhelmed and stressed out. Something was said or done to you that hurt you.

The remedy to the problem can be a simple one, or it can require a lot of time and work. You may just need to refocus your priorities. You may just need to write a letter, expressing how much you miss him or her, how much you enjoy your time together, and how much you appreciate their presence in your life.

You may need to put away the phone, turn off the TV, and step away from the computer a little more. You may need to schedule a date for just the two of you, without any distractions. You may need a mini vacation or a weekend retreat—one without work, technology, children, grandchildren, parents or the in-laws.

Communicate using active listening, which is the ability to rephrase what the person said by intently paying attention to their words and body language. You may need to listen without blaming and expressing your feelings.

You may need to meditate with a family member or friend. You may need pastoral counseling or to speak to a psychotherapist. You may need to forgive.

Prayer and adherence to the Word of God are the keys to revitalizing our relationships. Prayer changes us and it changes situations. The Word of God gives powerful instruction to help us every day in our relationships. James 1:5 says if we need wisdom, we should ask God and He will be generous in giving it to us. Verse 19 of the same chapter instructs us to be slow to speak, slow to get angry and quick to listen. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us how to love! Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be kind and compassionate to others and to forgive others as Christ forgives us.

If any of your relationships needs revitalization, however easy or difficult the process may be, I pray you will go through it with joy. I pray you will allow God to direct your every step, and in the end, it will be revitalized!