Enjoying Hope! The Power of Release

Letting go of things can be difficult. Well — at least it has been for me over the years.

I’m certain that being a victim of sexual abuse played a great role in my learning to “hold things in”…leading me to “hold on” to them. (Which you and I already know is SO unhealthy!) I had learned to hide my feelings of shame, as a coping mechanism to deal with the painful realities I was experiencing. Back at that time, there was no such thing as “counseling” in most families. So it became my “best kept secret” — that I held inside.

This, in turn, became my general modus operandi. I had a tendency to hold on to things, and never “release” them. Actually, it’s been a 30-year journey and battle! I mentioned in my last blog about finally being in a place where I don’t allow people to take my power. This is my confession: Yes, I would just give my power away — and give it away freely. My fears allowed me to let people intimidate me — because I didn’t know how to express my true feelings, which had been bottled up for so long.

I remember holding on to one particular issue for over 20 years, when a certain individual “did me wrong.” I had to see this person almost every day – so, practically every day I replayed the incident over and over in my mind. So much animosity had built up inside; it was depressing, and I hated it. And as years passed, it seemed like I would just be overpowered by one thing after another. This wasn’t a good time in my life — because if you stepped on my toe I would hold on to it! I wasn’t giving anyone or anything a free pass.

I wanted to be free…and once I hit my late thirties, after a bout with clinical depression, I decided enough was enough. I had come to several crossroads, and needed to make some decisions. I was tired of constantly crying, and feeling like everything my family had worked hard for was being taken away from us — by individuals who were clearly looking for self-gain and exposure. I was left wounded and bruised on several instances. I used to wonder how in the world people could live with themselves – but in reality, I didn’t have on any “boxing gloves” to protect myself, because I had always been taught to turn the other cheek. I had been taught to direct all the blame on myself.

So, what was my “moment of release?” It was actually several moments; my “release” happened in steps. The first thing I had to do was find the courage to walk away. I had to walk away from some situations in my own family that were at the core of this ongoing issue. I had to make the decision to choose between safety, security, and familiarity…and my own emotional, physical, and spiritual survival. That was a first and critical step…and once I had made it, things immediately became healthier in my life, and in the lives of those I held nearest and dearest to me.

After a number of other smaller steps to assert and protect my own self-esteem and self-confidence, another major step occurred when I found myself being confronted with the same lie I had prayed and battled with for over 20 years. The same feelings of bitterness, resentment, and sadness resurfaced, out of nowhere.

That same “familiar spirit” was ever so present — but finally, after 20 years, I was able to identify it — and ultimately realize that it wasn’t “me” that it was coming from. It wasn’t my fault; it wasn’t even my issue, and never had been! This awareness allowed me to finally release my feelings of guilt and shame, and find healing from that issue.

Today – thankfully — it doesn’t take years, days, or even hours to release painful or upsetting emotions. I have learned to accept that if I’ve done my best – and still can’t change the situation for the better — I will not let it consume my mind, or my day. Instead, I’ve learned to “release it” — and give it to God, and trust that it will be worked out through a power and will greater than my own.

Today, I have learned to take back my power…and forgive myself. Self-forgiveness – more about that next time!

Until next time…remember: Expect the Best!

Angelia

8 Comments

1. Lady Coni

   October 9, 2011 at 11:57 pm

   Such an awesome and introspective look into the person whom God has transformed you to be!!! You don't have to be honest with us but because you have, I believe it will cause at least one person to extend an olive branch and forgive the unforgivable…Forgiveness doesn't mean that the person got away with hurting you, it just means you don't have to be prisoner to the hurt. Thank you for showing us that wholeness is a journey that begins with one step! Continual Blessings!!

   Reply
2. jamorton3000

   October 10, 2011 at 12:03 pm

   Love this. Very brave, very courageous… we need more of this kind of sharing of struggles to know we are not alone in our journey to overcome… thanks, Angie, for stepping out on faith and leading by example!

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3. Monique

   October 10, 2011 at 9:47 pm

   Thank you Angie so much for sharing this. I too am guily of holding things in and holding on to them until I am about ready to explode. And, in the end, the only person it seems to have hurt is me.Forgiveness and letting go is difficult, but necessary. I have also had to leave some people be and love them from a distance, and am much much happier in my life because of it.

   Much love and many blessings,

   Mo

   Reply
4. Alison

   October 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

   Thank you for this reminder to let go of those difficult situations. Definitely needed!

   Reply
5. Angelia

   October 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm

   Love it!

   Reply
6. TheFilhos

   October 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

   Letting go is a very difficult thing to do .. Thanks for sharing the thoughts

   Reply
7. Jacquie Hood Martin

   October 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

   Your growth is inspiring. May God continue to allow you to soar to new heights! - Jacquie

   Reply
8. arlether Wilson

   February 19, 2013 at 8:50 pm

   Love this article. I was just discussing this with a few of my friends. Keep up the great work Angelia.

   Reply