Good Pain

“God is still God in our pain, and God is still good in our pain!”

There are many circumstances in our life that cause us pain. Often times it is self-inflicted and other times it is uninvited. Never, is it freely welcomed! I am not an expert on how to enJOY pain and often times I mope around when trials enter my door; but, I have a hope that cannot be shaken. I have experienced what James was describing when he said, “Count it ALL JOY my brothers, WHEN you meet trials of various kinds.” (James1: 2, ESV)

Notice he said WHEN not IF… we are going to experience trials, we are going to experience PAIN!

Recently I heard a song and the words cast a piercing reflection on a deep emotion for me. I can’t even recall the name of the song due to the distraction of my soul. The words literally took me back to a deep place of pain. A pain place that HAS experienced redemption and a heart that’s been carried to His hope!

Thirteen years ago, my husband and I decided to increase our family. To give our daughter a brother or sister to swing with and grow up with. It was a happy time for us and we were ecstatic at the thought of increasing our family! I was blessed with quick conceptions and even speedier deliveries. After a month of attempting to conceive, Chris and I stood looking at a positive pregnancy test! We had BIG plans for the expansion of our family and the thought of that not happening, well it wasn’t even a thought.

Shortly after entering my tenth week of pregnancy, I headed to a routine doctor’s appointment: to be thoroughly checked and to listen to the babies heart beat. Moments after the monitor was placed onto my belly that piercing silence loomed in the air. For the first time in my life, silence wasn’t golden. I am sure MY heart stopped beating and I do not remember the drive home.

After a short time of allowing my heart to heal, we decided to try again for the expansion from one to two. Quickly we were looking at another positive pregnancy test and I became intentionally more in tune to every change or shift within my body. After the loss of one expectation, I couldn’t help but count down each week! I was afraid, yet hopeful. Insecure, yet secure. Vulnerable, yet confident! We made it through the first tri-mester and I began to feel more at ease. Then somewhere around twenty to twenty-four weeks I attended another scheduled routine appointment. This appointment included an ultrasound and my husband accompanied me for a peek. As the tech placed the monitor on my belly she began to move and search for a heartbeat. At the time I had no idea what she was intently looking for but I knew it was something. Even the look on her face did not reflect good! She left the room only to return with the doctor and everything within me knew; my baby was NOT ok, and neither was I.

Really Lord, really? What have I done wrong? What have I done to deserve this? What could I have done differently? Will I ever have another baby? On and on and on the questions swirled through my head like a tornado spinning out of control.

God had blessed us with two more beautiful children since the miscarriages. The pain of our loss has been heaven’s gain. We met our pain through our loss and He was there waiting for us.

God was God in our pain and He was Good in our pain!

He will be in yours!

“BLESSED is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.” (James 1:12, ESV)