Home for the Holidays
Turn any corner, channel or page. As the holidays near, we become drenched in images of the perfect family. They are sitting by the perfect fire, unwrapping perfectly wrapped gifts, petting brilliantly photogenic pets. The holiday bar for joyful family togetherness is set high. But for those living a life outside of that shiny picture frame, comfort can be found in a less sparkly source. A dictionary. Merriam Webster defines a family as “a group of people who are related to each other.” Whereas a friend is defined as “a person who you like and enjoy being with.” Who would you rather spend the holidays with?
This is a question that I’ve asked myself through the years, as I’ve learned to adapt what the word “family” means to me. Friends have become my family. After my parents divorced, I was left with a dilemma. Who do I spend the holidays with? I felt disloyal by choosing a parent, so I didn’t. I opted to celebrate with my best friend and her extended family instead. This included a step-father, half-siblings and non-blood aunts and grandparents. Her own non-family became my go-to family for the holidays and a tradition was born.
The tradition stuck, and 20+ years later it’s still going strong. A few times, the ritual has been interrupted. While living abroad for graduate school, my new adoptive holiday family became the extended family of a dear friend and classmate, Amy. Knowing I was far from home and short on cash, she invited me to spend Christmas with her family. Her definition of family was a menagerie of relatives, in-laws, grandkids and pets. Enticed by her stories of time spent eating, drinking and playing games together, I found myself lured into an entirely new setting for the holidays. The English countryside of Sussex. Like an anthropologist observing subjects in the wild, I studied their family unit through watchful eyes. Why was it so devoid of dysfunction? No arguing, no tension, no stress. Only a sharing of funny stories, meals and games that spanned for days.
Consciously choosing to celebrate holidays with friends has become my norm. And that decision means holidays are something I look forward to. I will be laughing, feel supported and acutely aware of the holiday spirit. One where a home is opened to me just as readily as presents. That’s not to say that blood relatives are left in the dust. They still receive visits, cards and gifts. But by choosing to spend holidays with my family of choice, I am enjoying a ritual on my terms. One that aligns with my well-being.
They say that friends are the family that we choose ourselves. And during the holidays, when you might be feeling extra pressure to get that extra gift, hang that extra light, send that extra card - you don’t need to burden yourself with extra guilt. Families come in various forms. And if the company that you’re keeping makes your holidays light, then keep that company.
Anne-Marie Mascaro loves to write about what she knows. Expect to find articles on everything from quirky travel picks to unexpected eateries. She is Founder and CEO of the nonprofit http://www.monkeyfriendly.com a type of "Linked In" for the wildlife world. More writings can be found in her personal portfolio at https://anne-mariemascaro.com/#portfolio
