How Parents can Improve Their Communication Skills
Communication is the building block of every relationship. The words we say and things we do establish connections, both positive and negative, with those around us.
As parents, the most important bonds we build are with our children. Kids aged 0 and up need open, respectful parental relationships to set them up for success in each new phase of their lives, and effective communication is the foundation. If you feel your skills could use some work, these tips can help you improve.
Speak Their Language
The book The 5 Love Languages of Children by Dr. Chapman explains everyone has a primary preference for how they give and receive affection. The different love languages are physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time. It’s important to give your child all these forms of love, but you’ll communicate better and establish a deeper connection with them if you lean into their favorite method.
Be an Active and Reflective Listener
Your kids can tell when you’re really listening and when you fake it. Even if you think their story or comments are trivial, what they say is important to them. Take an interest by actively listening and then make reflective comments to prove you understood what they had to say.
Watch More Than Your Words
Watching your words and keeping them kind is extremely important, but it isn’t the only part of your communication you need to be aware of. In fact, only 7% of our communication is verbal — 38% is tone and 55% is body language.
When spending time with your kids, keep your body language open and use calming tones. Losing your temper and resorting to yelling actually closes the path of communication between you and your children, making your desired result less likely or done for the wrong reasons.
Make Communication Relaxed
Communication with your kids can be so much more than sitting together and talking. Take advantage of the little moments. Snuggling and watching a movie together lets your child know you love them. Having a water fight in the backyard expresses your desire to spend time with them. Making dinner shows you care for their needs. These everyday activities strengthen your relationship and give you the added benefits of reducing stress and anxiety – which can have negative physical effects for both kids and adults.
Focus on “Dos”
Sometimes it feels like communication in parenting becomes a series of things not to do — “Don’t leave your toys on the floor,” “Don’t spill your plate,” and “Don’t miss curfew!” All this negative talk significantly impacts your child’s mood by the end of the day and can disrupt your relationship. It also doesn’t let your kids know what behavior you’re looking for.
Instead, use more positive, result-oriented phrases like “Pick up your toys, please,” “Holding your plate with two hands will help you carry it safely,” and “You need to be back home by 9.”
Be Intentional about Communicating
The most essential part of communication with your kids is to be intentional about it. You’re already on your journey in that direction since you’re here trying to improve your skills. Another way you can be intentional is to make time to talk as a family and with each child individually. Go on little “dates,” eat dinner as a family or walk and talk.
Just like with any other relationship, the ones you have with your kids won’t improve by accident. Make little decisions each day to prioritize spending time and talking together.
Cora Gold is the Editor-in-Chief of women’s lifestyle magazine, Revivalist. She has a passion for writing about ways to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life, especially for new moms.
