Setting Boundaries with Family
It’s official, you’ve entered the holiday season. December can be such a wonderful time with lights adorning neighborhoods and Christmas music playing in every storefront you walk into. Everyone is solidifying gatherings with family and getting excited about the friends from home that you’ll no doubt reconnect with. But it’s not all jingle bells and sweet Christmas kisses; sometimes knowing that you’re meeting up with family can be anxiety inducing. Trust me, if this is how you feel, you’re in the majority.
Especially during this holiday season, it is important to set boundaries with family. Setting boundaries is far from easy and often times can be uncomfortable, but it is important to protect and nurture your mental health. For some reason when creating boundaries for ourselves with family in particular, feelings of guilt or confusion arise. Often times we are more concerned about the feelings of our family members than our own and don’t want to disappoint the people that love us.
According to Rachel Zoffness, Ph.D, it is important to “give yourself permission to do what’s best for you.” Learning to be an advocate for yourself takes time and practice but once you start implementing the boundaries you create, it will get easier and easier! Family and friends will learn what is acceptable (and unacceptable) and you will continue to feel empowered and strong by your decision making and honoring the promises you made to yourself.
For those of us really struggling with sticking to our boundaries, Jill E. Dano, LCSW-R reminds us that, “being firm doesn’t necessarily mean you must be unkind.” Your delivery can be gentle and patient while still carrying an important message of self-assurance. The key is to remember that you set these boundaries with intention and in a safe space, so there’s no need to question them when confronted by others.
Being confident with setting boundaries with family is a learned characteristic; trial and error is natural. If you find that you are in an anxiety inducing position, it is completely acceptable to remove yourself from the situation. All in all, please remember to be gentle with yourself and enjoy the beauty of the holiday season.
Sources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pain-explained/201912/how-set-boundaries-family
Zsanelle Lalani is a freelance writer, social media manager, and major foodie. She is a mental health advocate who loves to travel and create inclusive content on @Spill_Tea_With_Z
