How Do I Love Thee?

February is sometimes called the month of love — or if you watch Hallmark, you know it is called “Loveuary”. Many people will spend a lot of time showing others how much they love and adore them. We will see people spending money on flowers, cards and candy. Some will prepare dinner while others will create a romantic evening at home. Love will be celebrated and shared in many ways, but is there one right way to share love? Or was Elizabeth Barrett Browning right in saying “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”? Let’s take a moment to explore some of the different ways we share love.

In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote Five Love Languages: The Secret to Lasting Love. Many people were intrigued and read this book hoping to develop a better relationship with their partner and understand each other better. What many learned is that we do not all love in the same way. Understanding our different ways of love is important in not missing the love that has come our way. Let’s explore the differences.

Words of Affirmation

This person shows and receives love through verbal praise, words of gratitude and encouragement. They are eager to listen and pay attention to what you say. Having conversations, sending random text messages, cards or love notes mean a lot this group of people. A perfect expression of love for this type of person would be a card or a letter about how much they are appreciated or a romantic walk where you can be together and talk.

Physical Touch

People in this group talk through nonverbal body language and touch. Do not be surprised if they often want to hold hands, cuddle and/or kiss. They are happiest if there is some kind of touching, but are not into physical violence. A perfect expression of love for this type of person would be a night in, snuggled on the couch, watching a movie.

Giving/Receiving Gifts

This group of people enjoy giving and receiving gifts. They are the ones who work hard to pick the gift that is perfect for the receiver. They make spend a lot of time and effort making sure everything is as special as the receiver. They give the most thoughtful gifts and are truly appreciative when they receive a gift. They can also be upset or hurt if a special occasion has been forgotten or they do not receive something. A perfect expression of love to this type of person could be something that they have spoken of, something sentimental or something nostalgic.

Quality Time

This group of people are happiest when they can spend uninterrupted time with their love. They can be in a group setting and be okay, but they prefer to be alone with their love. They dislike being distracted when spending quality time and prefer not to go long periods of time without quality time. They enjoy making the small things count. A perfect expression of love for this type of person is taking a long walk together with their partner or cooking dinner together.

Acts of Service

This group of people try to show their love by doing things for those around them. They want to help and make things easier for you. They may be the lover who makes you breakfast in bed, runs your bath when you are drained, or does something such as fill your tank with gas so you don’t have to stop in the morning. They might even take care of the kids so you can rest or have time to yourself. A perfect expression of love for these type of people is making dinner together or complete a much needed chore for them.

Identifying and understanding the different ways people express and experience love is so important. When we understand our differences, we can learn to appreciate and accept each other for what we have to offer and love them for who they are.  I hope this has helped you to recognize your love language and those around you.