Getting Familiar with Gentle Parenting
The holidays are approaching quickly, and if you have children, this time of year could become one of joy and learning for your little ones. With all the glitz, gifts, events and travel that make up the year’s end, there is no better time to integrate some gentle parenting strategies into your daily routine. Gentle parenting is a tactic that will feel just as good as giving, and will encourage your children to develop healthy mindsets, stronger senses of independence and increased empathy for others in their lives.
What is gentle parenting?
According to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, an established mother and lifestyle blogger, gentle parenting places a heightened emphasis on empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. That said, Sarah firmly believes that gentle parenting “is not permissive parenting,” but that it works to balance out the sometimes-negative emotions that may arise during a conflict with your kiddo. For example, instead of giving out punishments and rewards, you use their behavior to guide them towards a better understanding of themselves. Uplifting their inner-self will overflow into their outer-character.
Now, let’s break down the four prime points:
Empathy
When our children are acting out or not doing exactly as we say, it can be a little frustrating. However, enacting empathy tactics such as remaining calmer during a dinner-time tantrum will ultimately allow your child to process what they are feeling. As empowered women, when someone says, “I understand you are feeling a lot. Can we take a moment to discuss it,” we feel seen and heard. This is the luxury that will allow our children to develop healthy, full ranges of emotion.
Respect
As parents, it may be a little tempting to think we always know what is best, but we should also remember that the person we are speaking to is still a human being - no matter how small. Allowing your child to speak without being talked over or to express their personality is a way of gaining mutual respect. How can we expect to be respected by our kids if we do not give them the same treatment?
Understanding
A child is a child. A child is not an adult. Therefore, the way we see the world is not the same as the way they do. To us, a shooting star is nothing more than a star. To a child, a shooting star is a rocket ship, an alien passing earth or an airplane. Understanding that you are speaking to someone with a different viewpoint is an essential aspect of developing the ability to “self-sooth”. Our children are trying their best, but they do not yet know all the functions of the world. We cannot expect them to know when it is time to say “hello” to other adults, nor can we become upset if they miss the social cue. They are learning, and so are we.
Boundaries
During the holidays, your child’s cheeks may be the apple of every grandma, auntie and cousin’s eye, but that does not mean your child has to accept it. When your child expresses discomfort or distaste, nurturing this feeling through protection, acceptance and understanding will allow them to feel comfortable with you. Also, it proves to them they are allowed to say “no” to any form of attention they are not comfortable with, which is something that everybody should be able to do.
Gentle parenting can sometimes resemble the tough love of coaching. “If you’re a coach and an advocate for your kid, you would respond by saying, ‘OK, you can do this. I know this is hard but we’re going to help you out. You’re obviously upset, so I’m going to give you some time until you calm down and we can talk again,’” says Dr. Estrella for Cleveland Clinic. Practicing these techniques will nurture your children so they may reach the greatest heights, and it will offer you some peace-of-mind instead of wondering, “Am I doing this right?”
Haley M. Brown is an editorial intern for Hope. She is pursuing a degree in English from Marshall University with the end-goal of telling every story because every story deserves to be heard.
