For most of my life I spoke of faith. Whenever anything went awry, I would say I am going to meditate and pray about it and I did some semblance of that, but, as soon as the meditation and praying was done, I was worrying about it, trying to make it happen on my own. Of course, what that meant is that my faith was not very strong and my prayer was actually a simple stop gap before I started worrying again or trying to make it happen. What I had was baby faith, nothing akin to growing up faith.
Baby faith in essence is the kind of faith that is as strong as a California Redwood tree when things are going well, my way. However, as soon as things fall apart or stop going my way, then my faith is small and in my own intelligence, I feel I need to do something, make something happen, because surely I was made to do that. Otherwise, why would I have been made so clever? Ha!
I started publishing books in 2006 and from the age I could hold a pencil in my hand that had always been my dream. So, when I stepped out on a writing limb, I just knew it would be a piece of cake. Well, of course it was not. In short shrift, I learned how little I knew and I also learned that some dreams are just yours. No one believed in my writing the way I did and at times it was disheartening and I tried to stop a few times, but I could not. I continued to write and publish my work and I did okay. Until, one day, I had an epiphany.
I was driving home from a book discussion and I felt the beat of the discussion in my spirit and I knew that taking my work out and talking to the people was how I was to do it. I literally started praying with my eyes wide open, asking for guidance and for patience to allow this passion of mine to grow and work in the way that was meant for me. By the time I got home I was almost praise dancing because I knew something had shifted and my faith in what I was doing had strengthened. The words of one reader had done wonders, “Ms. Menchan, writing is your personal ministry. You actually reach people with your writing.” I felt those words in my very soul and accepted them wholeheartedly because I suddenly knew it to be true.
It was difficult for me at first to pray about something and patiently allow myself to wait for things to fall in line where they should, but I knew I had to and mind you this was not a ‘pie in the sky mindset,’ where I did nothing and waited for book selling success to pour from the sky.
It was actually the ability to work on my craft, do what was necessary to make myself available and to accept that what worked for others would not necessarily work for me. I had to rely on my own personal gifts and pray they were strengthened and to allow myself to work towards with faith that which was for me.
Has it always been easy? Of course not, however, it gets better each day because I have learned through faith, prayer and patience that what is for me will wait for me and no one else can have what is mine. I know I love growing up faith because it means there is always room for expansion. What’s not to like about that?
Angelia Vernon Menchan is wife, mother, nana and mentor. The former Job Corps Counselor is employed by day as a Budget Officer. However, by night she is the author of ‘Fictionalized Truths’… Since January 2006, she has published 13 books through her small publishing company, MAMM Productions. Her personal motto is, ‘There is and abundance through God for all of us, we simply have to be open for our blessings.” Her most recent offering is THE BLACKS: LOVE’S POLITICS
Loading ...