Hope Behind the Scenes
~Hardened Hearts

Posted by Shari Biediger on August 3rd, 2010 in Blog | 6 Comments

A woman I know confided to me recently that she can’t bond with one of her grandchildren. This woman is so full of personality and warmth and smarts that she is loved and admired by people of all ages, sizes, and walks of life. This wise woman, who openly welcomes into her home people of all ages, sizes and with every imaginable quality or fault, can’t break through a barrier that’s keeping her from openly loving a child.

The grandchild is a study in 5-year-old beauty among several grandchildren, all adorable. Good genes gave her long, curly hair framing a round face from which big blue eyes peer at you with a slight pleading look. If that weren’t enough, she’s energetic, bright, and just brave enough to dive into new things and dramatic enough to get your attention when she needs it.

But at the end of the day, cute or not, she’s a child worthy of love like every other.
So why would the one woman, second to the mother, who would, could and should love and bond with the child, not?

It all began where so many do, with a conception outside of wedlock, disappointment, trepidation, and no desire for a child on anyone’s part. Coupled with that was the real fear that she could be parted from the child at any time, if the mother decided to move away, for instance. This grandmother’s emotional barrier was meant to protect her own heart, and she knew it. I suspect there are many women who could confess the same.

Because I really do believe it’s just as important to listen as do, I listened to her talk. In listening, I learned that she deeply cares for her other grandchildren, she would never harm any child, but feels tremendous guilt. I quietly prayed that by talking, confessing, and rationalizing, she could begin to work through her barriers and learn to love the child.

When her heartbreak called for me to speak, I asked her if she did not realize that this child, because of her circumstances, needed her grandmother’s love all the more. Yes, she did. She knew better. Yet, it didn’t tear down the walls for her.

I assured her that I would pray a Rosary for her. And as I continue to pray for her and the child daily, God has delivered these words I wish I could share with her today. When we open our hearts to the possibility of pain, we open them to love. When we open our hearts to love, we open them to pain. “Harden not your heart.”

Would those words change anything? It’s hard to say. What I know is this: Every child, every being, wants to belong and be accepted. It’s how God made us. Give that gift to another, even when it’s hard and painful and even when you don’t know where it’s headed. It gives back.