How to Heal After the Reveal: Part Three
Posted by Jacquie Hood Martin on December 23rd, 2010 in Blog | 2 Comments
Faith is one the four cornerstones of my and many believers’ journey. And, even
if you are not a believer there is some truth that you live by that gets you through
each day of your life. When you face cancer. When a soldier faces a bullet. When we
face the loss of loved one. When you face a blood test. When you face a negative pap
smear. When you face a urine test. When you face your fears. When you face your
attacker. When you face the truth. When you one-day stand face-to-face with God,
you will have completed all that you believe you have done well, by faith. A ‘faith-
warrior’ will look at a challenge and figure a way to approach it.
1. Recognize you cannot solve the reveal all at once: You see a large part of
healing after a reveal is dissecting it piece by piece so that you are sure to
cover all the angles.
2. Get a hold of yourself before you allow your life as a believer to become
a contradiction! Sadly many people try to live their life over once a fact
about them has been revealed. They never seek God to find out whether or
not the life they are living is the one they would be living if the knew the
truth sooner.
3. Expect triggers: The trouble with a reveal is largely due to memories,
encounters, decisions, fears, facts, and more being to fill your brain relative
to your past, present, and future. There are days when a sounds, smells, a
touch, a picture will trigger or cause a response.
4. Expect the unexpected: When we possess knew knowledge, it is hard to
determine how we will react to additional information, or encounters that
may stress us even more.
There are times, however, when moving forward paralyses us. We begin to over-
analyze our past failures and destroy any remnant of hope for a future. Failure is
not a part of God’s reality. A reveal allows you to let God, who is seeking to bless
you, step in and add value from our pain to your life. Timothy reminds his listeners,
2 Timothy 2:7, that a spirit of timidity is not an inherited trait of God’s children.
Therefore, any uneasy feelings you have about your present and future success can
be erased. You erase your feelings of fear with a vision of yourself being successful,
conquering your problems, and pushing your way through rather than falling victim
under the weight of doubt. It is time to accept that pursuing your passion and
purpose will drown out the cries of your inner child who fears the known. It is time
to look in the mirror and say ‘Self…this is your life, now go out an live it!’ (More How
to Heal After the Reveal, Thursday, December 30, 2010)
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I don’t know how to pull myself back from a situation. In June 2009, just days after graduating, my daughter sent me a text message that said “I hate you, I have moved out, the keys are under the mat don’t come looking for me I want to live my own life!” Her boyfriend and his mother helped her move out while my husband and I were at work. I caught up with her that night and asked her why she is doing this: she said we never let her do anything, go any where or have anything! She is my only child and she had the world at her fingertips and she was NEVER denied anything. She went places, did things and other children were envious of. She was a straight A student all thru school and an accomplished musician and singer. I never had a problem with her boyfriend and always felt she was safe when she was with him. From the second day of the incident until this very moment she will not return phone calls, emails or letters I send to her. I have not heard or seen her since June 2009.
I am so distraught I don’t know how to pull myself out of it. I am a convert to the Mormon church (20 years) I raised my daughter in the church. My husband is a self proclaimed agnostic. I don’t know what to do. I cannot hear or feel Heavenly Father’s love anymore. I cannot hear the still small voice. I have talked with my Bishop and others and everyone says to let her do her thing and don’t worry about it. But I am so deeply hurt by the way she did it I don’t know what to do. I have a very revengeful heart as of late and I want to get even with her and her boyfriend and his mother. Please help me.
Hi Cindy,
My heart is breaking for you. It is clear that you have provided your daughter with everything and she has been provided a foundation that will allow her to stand on her own. What I feel in my heart for you is that Gods’ word is true “train up a child in the way they should go and when the are old they will not depart from it”. I pray that you are trusting God right now. It is true that some times you must let children go so that they will find themselves and see the error of their ways. And, we has adults will also see that a child, no matter their age, needs room to make mistakes so they will grow in the process of correcting that mistake. Know that the Lord is looking over your daughter.
Revenge however, is not the answer. The answer you seek is to come from God who declares that vengeance is for Him to handle. But, more importantly your goal is to get the lines of communication open again with your daughter. My first prayer is that God will give you peace of mind and peace in your heart and spirit that she is happy, healthy, and whole. Then when the time is right, when there is no more (or at least, less) bitterness or animosity (but, more civility) that the two of you will be able to talk things through and understand each others point of view.
I faced a similar situation when a young adult in our immediate family was being brought home from college by her boyfriends mother. The matter resulted in a pregnancy and we were saddened that an adult would put a child in harms way by creating a situation for a minor engage in sex under her roof with her son, unbeknownst to the mother of the girl. This situation resulted in a family intervention. Until this day the relationships are fractured and strained for all involved.
It is too late to turn back the hands of time, but it is just the right time going into the New Year to build mutual respect with other. You may never fully understand her reasoning, anymore than I can understand what mother would put another mother through this ordeal by helping her move out in the first place. But God, can make the best of our mess and provide us with a testimony in the end. Are you ready to let God work on you from the inside out, that you may reach your place of testimony? May the grace and favor of God be yours.