Who Knows {with Victoria}
~I’ve Got to Be Honest

Posted by Victoria Bierman Jenkins on June 18th, 2010 in Blog | 5 Comments

No big confession, that was a statement. I really do just have to be honest. If your hair looks bad and you ask my opinion…honest. When something is on my mind, it is all over my face. Ladies, when I buy a gift I have to give it, like right then, or else I’m bound to spill before it’s opened. I just can’t keep a thing to myself. I’m a virtual vault when it comes to storing things spoken in confidence, but the rest just won’t stay put. It’s a blessing and a curse.

Sure, I’ve lied before…and lied and lied and lied some more.

As a teenager, I wouldn’t have recognized truth if it knocked me over the head and dragged me off to its cave. Honesty, integrity, and authenticity…I think I expected they could all be found hidden in some far removed, mystical hobbit-hole-of-a-cave somewhere. I did not have the map, the key, the code, the secret handshake, or the desire to venture beyond my sin-nature. So, I didn’t.

Take away the peers, and the need to fit in disappears. Sadly, I had become so good at pretending that I had no idea what it was I felt, wanted, or even believed. Happily, I was free from the bondage of the facade I had created and had all the time in the world to figure out who I wanted to be. I began to yearn for my authentic self and that brought with it a whole new struggle.

Convinced that offering 100% of myself in every situation was the only way to “keep it real“, I often gave away too much of myself, too quickly, and with too little wisdom. If I was your friend, I was your best friend. No questions asked. Often this naive approach to authenticity led to my assumption that everyone wore heart-covered sleeves like mine. Naturally, that misguided and unearned trust was blind to warning signs that eventually brought more pain to my life than I ever imagined I could endure. It also brought about such a need for God that I could no longer ignore His love for me. His faithfulness became all I could see.

Heartache brought me to a screeching halt.
Brokenness brought me to my knees.
God brought me through it all.

He revealed who I am by showing me who He is and inviting me to join Him as the majority in all of life’s battles. He moved me past every painful moment by showing me what awaits in eternity.

I often lose sight of the eternal, but on the good days, I find my joy in remembering that my value stems from being a daughter to The King. For us sisters in Christ, that means we give ourselves over to His purpose and we shine in that Mona Lisa sort of way. The mystery of our peace and strength and joy will prompt further inspection. Upon that closer look at what makes us smile, we want God’s grace and power and faithfulness to be what is found.

I’ve got to be honest…anything worth knowing about me isn’t about me at all. Thankfully, my self is dying more every day that I let it. I bet you’re striving to do the same and failing at times, too, just like me.

“But we are not among those who shrink back and so are lost, but among those who have faith and so are saved” (Hebrews 10:39, NRSV).

Take heart, sisters, with God, we are the majority in this fight!