The Marriage Dance
~‘Tis the Season?

Posted by Rebecca Marchbanks on December 1st, 2010 in Blog | 8 Comments

Fall is in full swing, isn’t it? With that, comes the advent of the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve. I love the anticipation of seeing family and friends: seeing the joy light up my children’s faces on Christmas morning and sweet hugs from my grandmother, so far away during the year.

Yes, the holiday’s can be a time of sweet fellowship together, but they also tend to be a time of complete stress and utter chaos for some couples. The major reason: money.

All of those little gifts we want to grab? Well, they start to add up. All of that traveling you plan on doing? Gas and airfare can be daunting.

So the stress builds and we snap at our spouse and our children, and joy melts away to worry. According to Dave Ramsey, in most relationships there is a saver and a spender. When the spender does their thing, the saver gets concerned, and when the saver puts a hold on the cash flow, the spender feels disjointed.

Has this happened to you? What are some things you and your spouse can do together to nip-in-bud holiday anxiety?

1. Make a list. This may sound cliche, but it works. Sit down with your spouse and make a list of everyone that you (as a couple) want to give a gift to this year. Include your boss, church leaders or friends, and family. Write what you purchase (or make) beside their name and keep the list in a binder so you can refer back to it next year.
2. Make a holiday budget. Decide together how much you are comfortable spending and stick to it! Include food, clothes for events, and gifts. Write everything down so that you both can see what is budgeted on paper and what is going out. Keep track of your expenditures. Keep receipts and at the end of the day have a central location for both of you to come together and go through them.
3. Be willing to compromise. Talk to each other and find out what is important to your spouse. Are there certain traditions they would like to continue into your marriage? What about you? Discuss what is most important and stick with those things. The rest is just details.
4. Remember why we celebrate: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.“ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:11-12 (ESV)

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12-13 (ESV)

So take a deep breath, communicate with your spouse, relax, and focus on Who this season is about.